Away From Keyboard #1 – Confessions Of A Man Who Left His Office PC Unlocked

Subject: Tissue Issue.

Hi Viral,

This is about the perpetual shortage of tissue paper in the office. I have to get something off my chest. I have been eating all of the tissue paper in the office. I understand the lack of tissue, and toilet paper, as well as the wet wipes I steal from Manisha's drawers, are turning out to be an issue for the organisation, both monetarily, as well as hygiene-wise. I'm sorry. 

I've actually been doing this for some time now. When you think about it, it must have been weird to see me wiping my mouth with tissue around the office, all the time. I don't have a sweaty lip condition like I told you. I am extremely sorry for the time the clients came over and we didn't have any tissue for them to wipe with. How was I to know they ate at Bade Miya's the night before. 

Human Resources has already spoken to me about the situation. It's not a situation, it's a condition. I've been eating tissue ever since I was a child. I remember how I used to buy rolls and frankies from the school canteen, and then I would eat them whole, tissue and all. The roll was the excuse. Imagine if I had gotten caught with my tissue eating condition in school? That would have been hell. I went to an all-boy's school.

I have a problem, but it should never have been a company problem. I have tried, you know, to find some middle ground. Do you remember the time you sent an entire crate of tissue boxes back? “These are 1-ply, these are 1-ply,” you screamed. They were only 1-ply because I had eaten the other 1-ply off. I didn't think anyone would notice. In hindsight, it's a good thing you sent them back. Maaruti tissues are a little weird.

I would like to make things right. I really like working here at 101india, and would like to continue doing so. It's why, I think, I should take a leave of absence, and go into rehab to try and cut down my tissue-eating habit. I don't know how I will give up on Tissue Pav Bhaji. But I will try.

Will you please grant me these leaves, Viral?

Sorry, sincerely,

Joshua

PS – Is rehab covered by the company mediclaim?

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