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Swinging Both Ways

43 women, 4 men, 5 threesomes and 3 foursomes later, Atul gets married next month.

I have always been curious. And Atul’s aware of that. He has, in fact, encouraged my curiosity and told me, “I will help you out if you want to try getting jiggy with a girl. I can arrange for something.” I’ve always laughed it off.

Atul’s sexual encounters have been surprising, shocking and amusing. I knew that he had been bi-sexual for the longest time. He has got physical with 43 different women, had 11 long term relationships with girls, and seriously dated a guy. I’ve also been privy to his five threesomes, three foursomes and numerous other permutations and combinations. What do people look for in relationships? Is monogamy a thing of the past? Are we confused about our sexual preferences? I decided to get answers from my best friend in a no holds barred interview. A glass of rum was all we needed to get rolling.

Atul is getting married in a few months – it’s a love marriage with the 44th girl he has been dating. And as he puts it, “I am happy right now and I don’t want to get into anything else. I turn down all the booty calls I get because well, I have met my match!”

Many would consider Atul lucky since his wife knows everything and has been open-minded, loving and accepted him the way he is.  But not open-minded enough to have a threesome, he says. That’s ok with him as his curiosity has been satiated enough over the years, 14 to be precise. Atul has been sexually active since he was 14 and today at 28, he’s settling down.

Let’s start from the beginning. When did you find out you are bi-sexual?

Well, this was way back. Everybody has their own experiences that shape their personalities, experiences that mould them in a certain way. I found both boys and girls appealing when I was young. I got molested a few times by men – that really impacted me and left a scar in a way. But time passed, and years later I got over the trauma. In a strange way what happened made me accept my bisexuality. At 19 I met a guy who turned out to be bi-sexual as well. We hit it off, became friendly and over time started dating. That relationship lasted a year.

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Did you say getting molested made you accept your sexuality?

It made me come to terms with it.  As I was growing up, I also got to hear other people’s views about sex and that made me aware of how everyone perceived this subject. I wasn’t being a rebel by being bi-sexual, I was only satiating my curiosity. People are repulsed by the idea because of their conditioning. I accepted what had happened to me and it didn’t haunt me so much after a while. It wasn’t so scarring that I freaked out when a guy shook hands with me.

Why did you break up with your boyfriend?

He was a slut and not a great partner. He was very submissive and that didn’t work for me. We kept fighting all the time and it got really ugly.

Do your parents know you’re bi-sexual?

They don’t need to know. And they wouldn’t be cool about it either. I’d be okay if my kids were bi-sexual. I know quite a few parents who are open-minded about this and I know people who’ve told their folks but in most cases only one parent is ok with the situation.

Did the girls you date know about your sexuality?

Not all of them. I would figure out their views about bi-sexuality and if I felt they were not comfortable with the idea, then I’d drop it. You can see people’s expressions change when you tell them things. The ones I told were surprised and a few were happy because they were bi-sexual too. Those relationships were open and we were free to do what we wanted.

Is that how you ended up having threesomes and foursomes?

You could say that. Look, when you are a part of a bigger universe, even if you do not feel the need to swing both ways and experimenting, you do it because you have the opportunity. When I was dating a bi-sexual girl, I arranged for a threesome with her and another girl who was also bi-sexual. A lot of threesomes followed thereon. These instances also lead to an art experiment where I had a threesome with my girlfriend and another friend of hers.

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What was the ‘art experiment’?

Well, my girlfriend and I decided to do a semi-nude photoshoot and it turned out to be steamy because she got another friend of hers. By the time the shoot came to an end, we all got pretty much turned on by each other and hooked up – one thing lead to another! And we got some great arty looking pictures in the bargain.

How are your sexual encounters with men different from women?

An orgasm is an interesting mix of emotional, mental and physical stimulation. But, honestly, it’s all in your mind. If you see images of things that arouse you, then it gives you an orgasm. I think that is how people have fetishes. When it comes to a man and a man in bed they end up driving each other. I think that it’s easier for a guy to understand what another guy wants, what pleasures him and relaxes him. If one guy isn’t in the mood to have sex and the other is, he will be able to drive him and get him going. It will be better and faster than a woman, unless she is married to him and knows him in and out. Women are easier to get along with than guys. But men are experimental and energetic than women in bed.

Would you say you understand how to pleasure both equally?

I really believe in the Kamasutra. The Kamasutra is not about having sex alone but about a wholesome experience – dining, having drinks, talking about different subjects and then leading your lover into the act. You are not only ensuring physical but mental arousal too. I figured how to please other men by pure instinct – you do to the other guy what you’d like to do to yourself.

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Do you prefer being with men or women?

I am heterosexual when it comes to choosing a long-term mate. Over the years my curiosity has been satiated enough to term this as a passing fancy. I figured that I don’t like dating guys. I don’t find a relationship with a guy to be as fulfilling as with a girl. However, in the end I need to be with someone who enjoys the whole experience as much as I do.

How do you feel when men hit on you?

I feel flattered! Women are not open when it comes to appreciating beauty as much as men are. How many times have you seen a woman whistling at a guy or another girl?

How do they woo you?

Some guys have been able to pique my interest with their intellect. When men are looking for no conversation but just getting jiggy then I’m not interested. They were really horny and just wanted to get it over and done with. Earlier I’d be up for those kind of things but then I realized that it didn’t do anything for me. I got bored with those encounters.

I remember you telling me that you were paid to sleep with men.

I turned down that offer. It was a filthy rich guy who asked me to to sleep with him. I hated the way he got excited when he figured I was bi-sexual too. I found out that he was married and really wanted to get jiggy with me and was paying me crazy amount of money to do it. He wanted to keep it hushed so his wife wouldn’t find out. But I was more embarrassed than flattered.

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Can you tell if someone swings both ways? Are there any `signs’?

It’s confusing these days since the idea of being `metrosexual’ is in vogue. Men like to groom themselves, they are confident about showing their sensitive side, they are open to being more explorative. But they may not be bi-sexual. So no signs as such.

Have you ever hooked up online?

Well, I was on Grindr for a while to see what it was all about. Men there were open about their needs than otherwise! For instance, there was someone who wanted a guy for him and his boyfriend and in a few hours they had ten people answering messages, posting photos and exchanging numbers. I did go out with one fellow very randomly. The guy was quite a creep. He was pretty crass in his mannerisms.

What are your views on Section 377?

If you read our old texts and mythological accounts, you will notice that they have shown bisexuality as a part of our culture. There are stories about kings and queens having their own harems, queens. Ancient culture talks about male and female energies and not the physical distinctions between the two sexes. The only differentiating factor between the sexes is the genitals. So the question arises – how did we start becoming so closed about sexuality when the society was so open-minded at a point of time? We are not black or white. We are grey.

Is your offer to help me experiment still open?



By Divya Naik

Photography: Karan