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Grooming 101: Beards & Piercings



Clean up your act or you ain’t getting none.

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You could be a really sex worthy guy but if you smell like “good” French cheese, you won’t be getting any that night. You might get a handshake, a reluctant one.

“The passion between the sexes will always remain constant” said Sigmund Freud. He is also the same guy that said he has no idea what a woman wants despite his 30 years of research into the feminine soul. Maybe the answer lies in a more befitting question: What can’t she stand?  If we work backwards and scratch out the things that kill attraction, maybe we can arrive at a reasonably accurate answer.

Some women like tall guys. Some like thick beards. Some like big muscles. Some like accents. Some like chest hair. The permutations and combinations are endless. While their likes vary, they can be quite unforgiving about what they don’t like and I like to call those the universal repellers. Call this an offbeat handbook of what turns her off. She’ll think it but won’t say it, because she expects you to know these things, naturally, as an attractive, worldly and aware man.

Game has two aspects: Inner game and Outer game.  Inner game involves things like self-esteem, how you view yourself and communicate with your inner voice, what you believe and how you live your life. Outer game is how you present yourself: words, body language, postures and appearances. This article will be aimed at scratching the surface of appearances, postures and grooming hacks. Some of these tips could potentially save you some time, money and embarrassment.

Remember the peacock theory by Mystery from the bookThe Game? Which basically said that wearing a loud/interesting piece of clothing or jewelry is a great excuse for somebody to notice you/ start a conversation with you. While the underlying principles of those theories still apply, I really don’t think isn’t necessary. You don’t need to be dressed outlandish or bizarre to attract women. You could be wearing a plain black shirt, white jeans, basic brogues and still rock the club. For the longest time my pimp thread uniform consisted of a plain black shirt, trousers and Punjabi juttis. Classic and plain. But sexy as satan. Grooming and styling is an intense issue. It can make a young guy look old-ish sexier or a 35 year old look like a 22 year old boy toy for a willing cougar.

There are a couple of no no’s that I’d like to shed light on:

1) No Unibrow unless you want a girl with one. 
2) Bad breath will make her run faster than Usain Bolt.
3) Get those long nose hairs cut. Or else bear the wrath of that booger doing a slide.
4) The beard shouldn’t cover your lips like you were locked up for a decade.

(L) Groomed like an icy pimp (R) Too much beard and too little lip.

(L) Groomed like an icy pimp   (R) Too much beard and too little lip.  

5) Don’t chew gum in her face like a cow.
6) Oily face = No action. A quick hack to solve that is a coffee filter that you can blot over nose, forehead and chin to absorb grease.
7) After dinner on the date, if for some godforsaken reason you don’t have gum like maybe you’re in Singapore, chew on some parsley. Or cinnamon.
8) If you do lose a bet and decide to wear cargo pants, wear stylish ones.
9) Keep your hair smelling good & away from lice unless it’s a fetish. Still no.
10) If you have a hat, wear it and experiment with styles that aren’t you. (Again, make sure your lips are on display and do scissor trim that beard once in a while)

(L) Keep a hat or two. Style that beard & ‘tache. (R) Avoid that lip beard. It’s medieval and gross.

(L) Keep a hat or two. Style that beard & ‘tache.   (R) Avoid that lip beard. It’s medieval and gross.

11) Don’t have ugly dry chapped lips like you’re a lead in the movie12 years a slave
12) Be with the times and style your hair according to your face structure. NO Hairbands like you’re Beckham in his first year at Man United.
13) Frizzy hair looks like shit. Use some handcream, spread some on your hands and weave them through the front of your curls.
14) Piercings are sexy for some and not so much for others. Keep it subtle unless you’re a basketball nightmare like Dennis Rodman or crazy rocker with death metal on your mind. Please don’t be on Ripley’s Believe it or Not with most steel on a face ever.

(L) Minimalistic and stylish does the trick (R) Overcompensating for your bad childhood with a tonne of steel on your nose is attention whorey.

(L) Minimalistic and stylish does the trick (R) Overcompensating for your bad childhood with a tonne of steel on your nose is attention whorey.

My Personal 3 Recommendations For Seriously Sexy Scents:

  1. Perry Ellis: Musky and woody, Perry Ellis is perfect for starting a night out in the early eve.

  2. Gucci by Gucci Sport: The ideal citrus scent made of grapefruit and mandarin. Call this the quintessential first - date fragrance. 

  3. Armani code: This is made of Bergamont and lemon intense base notes - the perfect choice when bar hopping. This is that any night you want pick.

The Basic Hair Guide

There’s a reason a massive hair care industry exists. It’s because how many people know so little about how to shape their hair into shiny objects of desire (metaphorically). There are many things a man can do with his hair other than spike up or a slick back. There are gels, creams, wax, pomade, mousse. Use what is best suited for your length and texture. TRESemme is a great brand to work with for any product really. If you have a steeper budget then La Roche has great stuff for skin and hair. Few thumbs of rule remain:

1) If you have short hair, use gel and waxes to keep it standing if that’s your style,etc
2) Thinning hair doesn’t need any heavy products like creams as they’ll flatten your volume.
3) Shape hair according to your face structure.
4) Too much of anything is bad whether its perfume, gel or jewellery (unless you rep YMCMB)
5) Experiment with things that nobody else is doing: That’s how trendsetters be on it.

Alright folks that was me scratching the surface on appearances and grooming when it comes to being the slickest you can be. Please feel free to write in with your own suggestions & thoughts on grooming.

Until next time.

By Roshmin Mehandru
Picture courtesy :

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